It is an interesting story how I stumbled upon Lighter Than My Shadow. About a month and a half ago I was in New York City for BookExpo, and as a member of the ABA (the American Booksellers Association) I had been granted special access to a room full of galleys/ARCs (advanced reader copies) of books. In my attempt to be very judicious with my selections (I had to carry everything back from Manhattan to Brooklyn), I was avoiding particularly weighty books, such as Lighter Than My Shadow. But there was just something about it, something that drew me and told me that I had to pick up Katie’s book and read it.
Like most kids, Katie was a picky eater. She’s sit at the table in silent protest, hide uneaten toast in her bedroom, and listen to parental threats she’d have to eat it for breakfast.
But in any life a set of circumstances can collide, and normal behavior can soon shade into something sinister, something deadly.
Lighter Than My Shadow is a hand-drawn story of struggle and recovery, a trip into the black heart of a taboo illness, an exposure of those who are so weak they prey on the weak, and an inspiration to anybody who believes in the human power to endure towards happiness.
I was extremely lucky when I was nineteen years old to have a grandfather who helped me figure out that my relationship with food and exercise (too little of the former, too much of the latter) was unhealthy. At a time that could reasonably be called the worst point of my life – I had taken a leave of absence from college, my dog and stepfather were both dying from cancer, and I couldn’t figure out how to have a positive attitude – I turned to controlling my food and exercise regime to help me cope.
I’m also extremely lucky that I picked up Lighter Than My Shadow and was able to personally thank Katie for writing it when I was in New York. It has taken me a month and a half to finish her exceptional work of art and writing because every single page hits so close to home. Every single emotion is captured perfectly. The quote from Joss Whedon (yep, creator of Buffy, director of The Avengers, Joss Whedon) sums it up pretty succinctly – “It’s universal yet specific and those together make such strong medicine. Wow.”
It also goes to show how little we are willing to talk about eating disorders when I can share my experience with strangers on the internet, but when one of my own friends starts to show the warning signs, I attempt to help her in every way I can, save the most important – I’m too scared to tell her that I’ve been in the exact same position that she is in. I struggle to tell her that I too was not eating and overexercising. It wasn’t until after I started reading Lighter Than My Shadow, it wasn’t until she’d been struggling for almost 2 full years that I could finally bring myself to share that truth with her – that she wasn’t the only one in our friend group to have experienced the despair that accompanies such a loss of control.
Because while a great number of people use their eating disorder as a way to feel in control in a uncontrollable world, exercising that control over yourself also makes you feel out of control, even if you’re not willing to admit it to yourself. Katie perfectly captures that feeling through her illustrations and text. If you, or someone you love and care about, is struggling and you’re not sure what you can do to help yourself or them, take a look at Lighter Than My Shadow.
Rating: 10 out of 10 stars
Edition: Paperback • $19.99 • 9781941302415 • 516 pages • published October 2017 by Lion Forge • average Goodreads rating 4.45 out of 5 • read in July 2017