Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed edited by Meghan Daum

Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids

For some reason, the government feels the need to weigh in on a woman’s right to have, or refrain from having, children. For some reason, this is a controversial topic, and therefore this, a book of essays from (mostly) women who have chosen not to have children, is a controversial book. As a recently married young woman who is not sure about whether or not she would like to have children, I have found this book speaks to me.

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Synopsis

One of the most commonly raised topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed “fertility crisis,” and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all – a successful career and the required 2.3 children – before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, the conversation has turned to whether it’s necessary to have it all or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.

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Review

I have not been asked why I don’t have children, but it has been mentioned, by people that I don’t know, that I must have children. Because I’ve said something nice to a child, because my “teacher voice” comes out occasionally, even just because I teach. The only people who pester me about when I’m going to have children are people I know. They don’t even ask if, always when, as thought the “if” is a forgone conclusion.

I’ve been making my way through this essay collection for the past year, pretty much since shortly after my husband and I got married. Until that point, everyone asked when we were getting married, so I figured once that happened, people would start asking when we were having children and ding ding ding! I was right! Thankfully, Ben and I are on the same page when it comes to having children or not, we are both in the middle – we haven’t yet decided. But I’d like the world to understand, just as the sixteen writers in this collection outline, it’s our decision.

While the collection claims to examine many different reasons for not having children, none of the authors really touch on anything besides choice. Infertility, fear for the safety of the world and future offspring, etc. are not topics that are covered. Most of the authors discuss simply not feeling the maternal instinct. While I enjoyed reading each of these essays, they do tend towards ranting rather than an actual sociological perspective which would be a helpful addition to society’s debate over women’s reproductive choices.

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

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